Chuck and Sarah vs Black and Blue Friday
by AQotL
Summary: When Sarah Walker wants to go Black Friday shopping, she's going to do it her way. Chuck should have known that his attempt to teach the "giant blonde she-male" how to shop like a "normal civilian" was doomed from the start. R&R.


**Hello readers!**

**This is a oneshot I worked on periodically for the past two months in preparation for its Black Friday release. It's sort of a sequel to my Black Friday oneshot from last year, "Sarah and Casey vs. Black Friday." The first installment does not need to be read prior to reading this sequel, but I suggest reading it first – there are a few references to the events of "Sarah and Casey" in this fic. **

**Originally, I hadn't planned to write a sequel, but I was inspired by some of the reviews for "Sarah and Casey." With everything that happened in that fic, I realized that Chuck would probably want to teach Sarah how to shop like a "normal civilian." His task is made much harder by Sarah's newfound obsession with Black Friday, as well as her determination to get what she wants by any means possible. **

**This takes place shortly after "Chuck vs. Phase Three," for Sarah's Black Friday shopping strategy resembles the "giant blonde she-male's" strategy for finding Chuck. However, there is one detail from that episode that I'm changing – Chuck has regained the Intersect (I made a mention to the Intersect in this fic before "Phase Three" aired, and I didn't want to change it). **

**Well, now that all of that is out of the way, I hope you enjoy this oneshot!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck. I am merely the writer of this piece of fiction involving the characters of said TV show.**

**Chuck and Sarah vs. Black and Blue Friday**

**Part I: **The Walker Ultimatum

It seemed as if a tremor shook the world when Sarah Walker's alarm went off at 4:30 AM on that dreaded day, the blonde's eyes snapping open in excitement. A mischievous, Cheshire Cat-like grin spread across her face as her hand shot out to silence her cell phone as quickly as possible. Once this task was accomplished, she paused for just a moment to monitor the breathing of the form next to her. Satisfied with the deep, even intakes of air (and occasional snore) that defined a sleeping person, Sarah grabbed the duffel bag hidden underneath the bed and silently slipped out of the room to prepare for her mission.

Minutes later, the agent emerged from another room a little farther down the hall, dressed in a black t-shirt, jeans, and leather jacket. She put the finishing touches on her outfit by tucking the weapons required for this assignment into her pockets. They were unconventional for a spy like Sarah, but she was content with using them once a year for duties like the one at hand. Still, she attached her knife holster to her ankle in case things didn't go according to plan.

The lower level of the apartment was dark and noiseless, and Sarah made sure not to disturb the unusual tranquility. The only light she allowed to infiltrate the shadowy area came from the refrigerator, from which she produced a large caffeinated beverage. She took a couple of sips as she headed for the front door, straining her eyes to consult her watch.

"Going somewhere, Sarah?"

The blonde winced, mentally letting slip a curse in Farsi as she slowly turned around. "Oh, Chuck," she started, trying to sound innocent. "I thought you were still asleep."

The living room lamp flicked on, and the curly-haired nerd became visible. He shook his head slightly in disappointment and leaned further back on the couch, his crossed arms reaffirming his serious attitude.

"I _was_," he admitted, putting emphasis on 'was', "until I realized there was no snoring coming from your side of the bed and said side of the bed was empty."

Sarah narrowed her eyes darkly. "I've told you before, Chuck. I don't snore."

"I beg to differ. You've just never heard yourself."

"Why are you down here, Chuck?" she sighed, blowing off the last comment and cutting to the chase.

Her boyfriend remained stoic as he posed a question of his own. "Do you know what day it is?"

Knowing exactly where Chuck was going, Sarah swore in her head again (this time in Russian) as she attempted her doe-eyed innocent ploy once more. "Friday?" she responded, her voice lilting to make it sound like an inquiry.

Chuck tapped his Converse-clad foot on the wood floor as he sighed in frustration. "You know exactly what today is, Sarah. It's Black Friday."

The sole female member of Team Bartowski widened her eyes for effect. "It is?" she asked, her voice now attaining an unusually high pitch for the agent. "I didn't know!"

"Uh-huh," Chuck muttered, seeing through his girlfriend's lies. Making his way over to the blonde, he removed three credit cards and a paperclipped stack of coupons from Sarah's jacket pocket. "Then what are these for?"

The beautiful-yet-deadly spy finally dropped her charade. "I'm sorry, Chuck, but you know how much I loved Black Friday shopping last year…"

"That's because you got to flirt with an unsuspecting salesman in order to get Awesome's treadmill!"

"I was utilizing my training. Seducing a mark is a great way to get what you want, but, I'll admit, it was a little unorthodox for the situation."

Chuck's forehead was already resting in the palm of his hand when Sarah finished her explanation. Sensing his frustration, she stopped speaking and waited.

Finally, the human Intersect spoke up. "Look, I just don't want you to go all Casey-like on poor, unsuspecting customers during the sales. So, I'm going to give you a choice." He looked up and reluctantly gave his ultimatum. "Either you don't go shopping at all, Sarah, or we both go together so I can teach you how go Black Friday shopping like a normal civilian."

Much to Chuck's disappointment, Sarah noticed he was already dressed and chose the latter.

**Part II: **Indiana Walker and the First Crusade

"I swear, if someone pushes past me one more time, I'm going to shoot said person."

"Sarah," Chuck hissed out the side of his mouth, "most shoppers don't have guns on them. If you want to go Black Friday shopping like a normal civilian, don't imply that you're carrying a weapon."

The spy winced apologetically. "Sorry. I just have no patience for people shoving me as they try to get by with armloads of stuff…"

She broke off as a relatively rotund woman squeezed between her and the shelf of cutlery on the right. Instinctively, Sarah snatched the sharpest knife there and growled, "That's it."

Chuck grabbed his girlfriend's shoulder and pulled her back, wrenching the knife out of her hand. "Hey, what did I say? No weapons!" He changed the subject so Sarah would calm down. "Okay, what exactly are we looking to buy here? Do you have a list of items?"

Sarah hastily forked over a crumpled index card, still glaring at the retreating woman.

Forcing a smile, Chuck glanced down at the list. "Okay, that's good, that too, good, good, good… hold on, they have Black Friday sales on firearms?"

The blonde looked up. "What'd you expect me to buy Casey for Christmas – a Crock Pot?"

The nerd shuddered as he envisioned the aforementioned grunting behemoth wearing a frilly pink apron and matching oven mitts. "Good point." Still trying to shake the image, Chuck changed the subject. "How about we start with Baby Awesome's gift? The infants section should be close by."

Sarah shrugged in agreement without looking up from her sales paper, and the spy couple started off towards their destination. They had barely turned the corner when they ran into a massive crowd heading in the same direction.

"Okay, maybe that's not going to work out as easily as I thought," Chuck muttered as he and Sarah slipped out of the aisle way and into the nearby clothing section so they could revise their strategy. Unfortunately for Chuck, their makeshift conference room just so happened to be the lingerie department, and he began to feel uncomfortable when a lacy black bra bumped against his head.

Sarah, meanwhile, was observing her surroundings, as if a solution would appear out of thin air. She did get an idea seconds later, and she nervously turned back to her boyfriend.

"I may have an idea," she started, "but we'll have to break our 'normal civilians' rule."

Chuck sighed, fearing the proposal. "What is it?"

Pointing at the wall to her right, Sarah announced, "We'll get around that crowd in no time if we crawl through the air vent."

The nerdy spy groaned, unable to come up with a better option. "Fine, fine. We'll break our rule just this once…"

**Part III: **The Good, the Bad, and the Sarah

In reality, the rule was broken seven times – three times for the ventilator shaft shortcut, twice for the salesman seduction routine (Sarah had perfected her technique since the previous year), once for the use of the Intersect (it wasn't Chuck's fault that he flashed on the storeroom's keypad), and once for the threatening of fellow shoppers (but did Sarah honestly need _another_ black leather jacket?).

Shortly after collecting her jacket, Sarah was confronted by her final – and most difficult – task. She and Chuck had decided earlier that they would shop together for most of the items on the list, but the couple would go their separate ways to search for the other's gift. As she embarked on her quest, Sarah's uneasiness towards her freedom began to grow. She'd have to try much harder to keep her inner spy under control now that Chuck wasn't there to tame the beast.

Navigating through the crowded aisles, the blonde came upon the entertainment department. She weaved around the shopping carts until she was positioned right in front of her prize. It was the Holy Grail of nerds; a gift so perfect for Chuck that she couldn't even think its name. And that price! It was nearly half of the original value. Sarah knew she had to buy the item, and her arm snapped out towards it.

Alas, just as the spy's hand clamped down on Chuck's gift, another hand latched on as well. Sarah looked up in incredulity to see a similarly dressed, dark-haired woman staring her down.

"Excuse me, ma'am, you're going to have to let go," Sarah said calmly. "This is a present for my boyfriend."

The other woman shrugged, narrowing her eyes even further. "So? My husband's wanted this for months."

Without loosening her grip, Sarah searched frantically for another copy of the item. Seeing none, she tried again with not as many pleasantries. "Let go."

"I'm afraid _you're _the one who needs to let go."

Sarah squeezed her eyes closed, attempting to control her rage. _This is exactly what happened to Casey last year, _she reminded herself. _The other man is probably still so petrified from that experience that he hasn't gone back to that store since. _

In the back of the entertainment section, a flat-screen TV began to play _The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly_. Sarah opened her eyes once more and twitched her eyebrows when she felt a small tug on the precious item in her hands.

Gone were the thoughts of self-control and the consequences of her actions. The fiend was ready to burst out when Sarah looked straight into the eyes of the darker-haired shopper and growled, "You're asking for a fight."

Her opponent cracked her neck from side to side, her hand still on the box. "Bring it on, Blondie."

Sarah bared her teeth into a wicked grin in response and broke the "civilian" rule for the eighth time.

**Part IV: **(So Not) Miss Congeniality

"Sarah? Can you stop pacing and growling like that? I feel like I'm stuck in a cage with a Siberian tiger."

The woman in question ignored her boyfriend and continued to glare straight ahead. Chuck glanced in all directions before adding, "It's not just the growling and pacing. I think it also has something to do with the fact that we're in a _jail cell _right now."

Sarah heard him this time, and delivered one swift kick to the metal bars before flopping down on the gray slab next to Chuck. She leaned against his shoulder for a second, but sat back upright when he let out a whimper.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Chuck! I forgot you hurt your shoulder!" she apologized. All of her anger drained out, and Sarah gently ran her hand over the site of Chuck's injury.

He winced, carefully shifting his arm inside the sling he'd been given. "I wouldn't have ended up with a dislocated shoulder if you hadn't gotten into a fight. It didn't help that your combatant was who she was."

Sarah furrowed her brow and frowned. "How was I supposed to know she was a federal agent?"

"Her badge fell off her belt when you knocked her to the ground! Didn't you hear me screaming, 'Stop, Sarah, she's FBI!'?"

"Okay, I couldn't see very well, and 'Federal Bureau of Investigation' wasn't the first thing that popped into my mind when I heard the acronym." She paused, trying to choose her words. "The language wasn't as… _clean_ in my original idea."

Chuck groaned – both in pain and frustration – and placed his head in his right hand. "This is bad, Sarah. _Really _bad. We're in trouble with a slightly less clandestine government agency, and the only way around it is to blow your cover. Like I said, this is _bad_."

Sarah winced, finally understanding the consequences of her actions. "So much paperwork…"

As the couple sat in gloomy silence, a door a little farther down the hall opened. In came the hulking form of John Casey, flanked by Sarah's dark-haired FBI doppelganger. The woman sported a white bandage on her left wrist, as well as a black eye and a broken nose. As the agents came closer, Sarah couldn't help but admire her handiwork.

"I hope everything has been settled between our respective agencies, Agent Freebush," Casey said curtly. "Once again, I apologize for the… _unprofessional_ actions of Agent Walker."

"I understand she is called 'the giant blonde she-male' in some regions of the world," Freebush deadpanned, shooting glances at Sarah. She shook her head, lifting her hand to her blackened eye. "Look, just get her and your other agent out of here. I need to speak with my superiors." She hastily unlocked the cell door and left the room.

Once Chuck and Sarah had been released and filled out the appropriate paperwork, they followed Casey to the Crown Vic. They remained silent as the slipped into the backseat, Sarah hanging her head guiltily.

Casey, on the other hand, was particularly irked by the rift Sarah single-handedly caused between the FBI and the CIA/NSA. However, he still couldn't resist toying with his sullen team members.

"So," he started, unable to restrain the grin crawling up his face. "How was your Black and Blue Friday experience?"

The simultaneous, chagrined groans of, "Shut up, Casey," coming from the backseat only made his smirk grow wider.

**There you go. Casey didn't make an appearance until the end, but he's still Casey.**

**Reviews would be lovely! Tell me your favorite lines/parts!**

**Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this lengthy piece!**

**AQotL**


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